Genre Analysis Memo

The assignment I'm working on is a 600-word genre analysis memo for my writing and composition I class. I have to pick and dissect a section from the NYT (for example, I chose the book review section), and write to analyze to understand how the genre is constructed based on identifying the factor that go into creating the genre, such as the language the writers of the genre use or they the text in the genre is structured. However, instead of writing the genre analysis as traditional essay, we have to write it in the form of business memo, so I would like feedback on making my writing more concise, and feedback on if my draft understands the format of a memo. I have a final e-Portfolio that is intended to for students in my class and I to reflect on the writing we've done in class, and to reflect how the class has changed our writing and to better understand our strengths and weaknesses on our writing. I need revision on this assignment so I can later revise and create my final draft as well as fulfilling the Eportfolio requirements by doing so.