I need an editor

I wrote a paper that needs some revisions done to it. My professor has sent some suggestions which are below, along with the full original essay instructions so you can get an idea. It definitely needs a little work but with the instructions and specific comments shouldn't be too hard.

1. Consider eliminating the whole second paragraph (first body) that begins with “Consequently.” I do not think it connects to the book directly and the ideas are not validated by textual evidence from the novel.

2. Maybe Eliminate just the topic sentence in the third paragraph that begins “The fact that stories are primarily based ….” I am not sure what that means.

3. I think you need to acknowledge a source in that third paragraph as well since some similarities came up to nytimes.com. It’s best to be safe with citations!

4. Paragraphs five and six (“Finally, it is not as if….” And “He enabled the tales…”) do not offer a claim that is grounded in actual textual evidence (and they suggest you know a lot about Colson Whitehead), so I would eliminate them too.

5. Develop paragraph seven focusing on the importance of his characters or another reason you think he is a great storyteller. You mention the characters in the conclusion now, so this seems logical. This is the biggest job you have. Do the best you can here.

6. Perhaps write a conclusion about the power of storytellers???

7. Go back to the introduction and add a sentence or two at the end that specifies what your main ideas are in the body.

10. Proofread this to make sure it makes sense--that you are arguing in each paragraph why he is a good storyteller. If you have other ideas that are good, feel free to add them.


Do you think Colson Whitehead is an effective storyteller? Why or why not? Write a strong thesis statement that expresses your specific argument and use textual examples to support it (including at least three direct quotations from the novel). You may consider Whitehead's use of characters, plot, theme, description, "factional" details, ability to create a story that speaks to today's societal narrative, etc. Write about what stuck out to you in the book and do not try to accomplish too much in this paper. In other words, strive to develop a single idea/thesis; do not provide a laundry list of the many things you think he does well/not well as a writer.

General Guidelines: Write a three-four page, double spaced paper following appropriate MLA guidelines as outlined in The Little Seagull Handbook (TLSH). You will find the guidelines for formatting a research paper on pages 192-200, though you may use these basic instructions for your other papers as well. Please be certain you have a strong thesis statement that establishes your main idea/argument. Information about how to write thesis statements may be located in TLSH on page 18.

Supporting the Thesis: Once you have expressed your argument in your thesis in the introduction, you need to support it with the text. The essay’s body should combine the “voices” of your “source” as well as your voice. What I mean is that your voice guides your argument/ main idea/thesis. You will then analyze the text and apply it to the thesis, as opposed to just regurgitating the plot, which does not demonstrate critical thinking. Use quotations from the book to support your argument/thesis and carefully integrate your quotations using the rules in TLSH, pages 138-141 and TSIS, pages 47-55. You could also consider using a NAYSAYER in your writing (See pages 82-94 in TSIS). In addition, you should have a works cited page that is correctly formatted according to MLA guidelines and strong organization and mechanics.

Summing it up: Be sure to end the paper with a well thought out conclusion--one that does not merely repeat verbatim what you have already said, but offers reflection, analysis, or observation. You should answer the crucial questions “So What?” and “Who Cares?”