Word Smith, correct text to make it much more magical

Hello! We have an urgent need for a word smith to help us add magic to this investor pitch for our company. Everything that is in black must be changed completely (with the essence of the text) because it was copied from the templates example. Everything that is in green was written by us and must be corrected and more convincing. These are sophisticated investors so we must use corporate yet dynamic, convincing words. We need to keep overall text below 1700 word count but please add a little more, we will delete what we think should not be in text. THANK YOU!