The Thief and the Dragon Princess. A fantasy fiction novel -- 2

I've written my first novel. I write in a free form manner which ignores grammar. I have to go back and rewrite most of my sentences. I've had several passes over the book, and I'm using Grammarly to help me proof the book. I need another human reviewer to help polish the book before sending it for potential publication. The book is about two girls who come to realize they're not exactly human. The book is called The Thief and the Dragon Princess. I have attached the first two chapters for review. The book is just under 80k words. I need an independent comprehensive review of the whole book. I would like someone who can make suggestions and not just point out errors. All feedback is welcomed.