Short Story for Creative Writing Grad School application--I need an editor

My 10-page (I want to make it grow to 15 or 20) science fiction story follows an aboriginal deity trapped in a circus, whose exposure to human influence manifests in monstrous impulses. It is going to be used as my primary piece on my grad school applications (The ultimate dream is Brown, but my biggest goal is to get good funding in a creative writing program.) More than anything else, I'm looking for a mentor figure to guide me through the process of making this a complex literary piece.